EDENBRAY in EXILE – 4 – the hibernian

‘Edenbray in Exile’

A Retrospective Anthology of Poetry, Articles and Essays

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the HIBERNIAN ~ a wee poem

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HE IS SET AN’ SURE,  AN’ LAUGHIN’ TO HIS’ SEL’

HIS COAT COLLAR PULLED TITE’ ROUND HIS NECK

HIS ROOM IS COLD AND THE BOARDS R’SPLINTERED AN’ BARE

HE SENT A NOTE HAME TO HIS MAMMY IN THA’ ‘EMAERALD’ ISLE

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‘IT’S A WEE STRUGGLE FOR A BEER AN’ A PAIR A’BOOTS MA’

BUT HE DID MANAGE A CAP  TO BUY FROM HIS CHANGE

AFTER HE HAD PAID THE MISSES DAVIDSON HIS WEEKLY LODGE

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HE SINGS LOUDEST AT THE HIBERNIAN ON A SAT-UR-DAY NIGHT

BUT THEN MAKES SURE HE WALKS BACK WI’ ALEX N’ ARCHIE

AN’ THAT SINCE DONALD WALSH, HE GOT PUNCHED IN THA’ FACE

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HE CAU’GHT SITE O’ THA’ SWEET LAUREN AN’ HE SMILED POLITE

SHE RETURNED THE MOMENT BUT HE IS STILL BIDING HIS TIME

HE WILL BE OFF TA’ HIS WORK ON THA’  MONDAY MORNIN’

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HE’LL KEEP HIS HEAD DOWN AN’ WORK A FULL DAYS PAY

COS’ THE BHOY IS STILL DREAMIN’ O’ A BETTER DAY

AN’ HA’ELL NEED PLENTY A’ CASH TO PAY FORRIT.’ 

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writtenbyedenbray12.11.12

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THIS WEE SCRIBBLE IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF MY DEAR RED-HEADED GRANDMOTHER ~ ADELINE WALSH WHO WAS BORN IN Co. MONAGHAN, IRELAND ~ I AM SO VERY PROUD OF MY IRISH ROOTS - ONE DAY I WILL RETURN!

THE LAST TRUE HIBERNIAN

#Authors Note – Pretty self explanatory but I will attempt a personal review. I have always enjoyed listening to regional or local accents and have often attempted to used the slang of varying dialects to add character and nuance to a written piece. Their unusual vowel sounds can sometimes add cadence and interesting rhyming potential.  

This piece is a cameo, an imagined thumbnail sketch of a young Irish ‘bhoy’ who has left his home and made the trip over the Irish sea on the ferry from his native and beloved Ireland to find work, in this case in Edinburgh in Scotland, as many young men did at times during the 19th and early in the 20th centuries in various parts of both England and Scotland.

The Hibernian Football Club, based in Easter Road, Edinburgh, began as a Social Club for Irish immigrants in the late 1800’s and this is all the necessary background needed to explain this homiletic to the life of one homesick and lonely young man that I decided to write about whence I first a heard that history.

Perhaps eventually the bhoy and the young Lauren might summon up the courage to meet and court, tie the knot and raise a young family. I do hope they did and I hope ya’ love it too dear reader – If ya’ did – leave me a ‘like’ now would ya, at the bottom of the page!   Thanks!

~ebenbraytoday 

 

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EDENBRAY in EXILE – 3 – frank zappa & velvet underground

‘Edenbray in Exile’

A Retrospective Anthology of Poetry, Articles and Essays

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FRANK ZAPPA AND VELVET UNDERGROUND

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Modern history writes in scribbles

lines, scrapes and sizzles!

bare feet, uncut hair and whistles

The booty boat

the slings, the stones, the gristle

with blackened eyes and the pretties

Sad children, burnt gears

and the dark, hollow holocaust of art

grey, plastic and spastic, spattered plaid

Image

Frank Zappa

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But I stepped out on a Tuesday morning

with four coins in my pocket,

soft plimsolls hugging me kindly

and my gut so clean and empty

Blinding sun! and I covered my eyes

but the song in my head was fizzing 

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Image

Velvet Underground & Nico with Andy Warhol

The drugs turned nasty, the nature of the beast

Genghis Khan’s body lies in the dust like my mother

and we all still have ‘fifteen minutes in the sun’

Bella Napoli a Striano, Castriano, Donnie Darko

but now no one wants to be famous anymore

just everyone wants to be rich

St John the evangelist wrote it down in Patmos

Saw the four beasts and the shimmering rainbow

Spoke to the angel but then hushed his mouth

and this delicate future so fashioned by human tragedy

this burnt, glistening gold dusted by leaves and shit

I rubbed my eyes and saw a pale horse riding

A bronzed horn, a maidens promise, a young mans hand

I’m happy to nestle on my knees for when you are well

or when you are ill it is the best place to be 

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writtenbyedenbray27.08.2012

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EDENBRAY in EXILE – 2 – izon

‘Edenbray in Exile’

A Retrospective Anthology of Poetry, Articles and Essays

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url-1

izon

(here in the boxcar)

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He only saw white, wishing more they had taken time

Bartholow’s Stand, the small brow of a hill, remote but lonely

Crashing waves always remind us of eternity, or death

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Death is never lonely, only coldness, only the west side of Aga Hill

Or that feeling when you see ribbons streaming from mornings mountain

I could have hid my eyes, wrestling with loves pang and regret

. . ; . .

and that never might be the question

but you carry a torch to see where your going, not where you have been

looking back never requires vision, only white-walled tyres and some hooch

. < . . .

I whispered my inhibitions so many the times

If I thought it would release me, the priests window?

If I carried enough tallow or chickens eggs for a supper?

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The evening train, packed as usual, makes hardly a sound

drifting through, drifting and I catch sight of daisies in the sun

me and stencilled cases rough, knotted, full of brown bottles

here in the boxcar

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0′ Marianne I never told you and it hurts

we’re always passing through spaces like warm blood in veins

or like clouds swept by rain and memory, they are so cold with ice

] . .   . .

You haunt me so I don’t want ever to sleep

Lest’ I miss you when your spirit passes in the hallway

or we meet out in the street in that dream where I’m falling

. . . = .

I still carry a blunted pencil, a torn, printed flyer with notes

they are the ones where I wrote – I love you and then rubbed it out

that message bites the more against a hollow chest

. . .  ` .

So many things hidden and then a small grey bird

a phone ringing, a dream full of stagnant water closing

and Marianne, honest, happy and standing

here in the boxcar

. . . . :

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writtenbyedenbray24.03.2013

 

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#Authors note ~ the difference with this Anthology is that I am making what some would say is an honest but fatal mistake. By leaving an individual postscript like this to each piece I am kind of setting myself up for a fall, in that the absence of comment usually allows a creative distance between thought and word and imagination. A sort of suspension of belief akin to an avant-garde Movie. – Truly, not everything needs to be or indeed can be explained.

This piece I wrote at a very different time, almost exactly 7 years ago which is kind of rhythmic symbolism in itself as 7 is to me the perfect number and it could also be described as Dada-esque – hence the abstract frontispiece illustration which I really adore by the way.

It is kind of ‘disconnected’, definitely abstract and enters the arena alongside my many attempts at what I believe may be termed – Jazz Poetry or alternatively ~ my classification – Prog-Prose. With the way things are right now in the world – I love that it’s ‘disconnected’ and runs like a kid’s push-along wooden train – on its own Jazz-tracks – ‘here in the boxcar’.

It’s also sad romanticism, so it gives you a ‘shot’ of two worlds – abstract and new romantics maybe, baby?! Yes, it’s like a double shot of tequila Margherita – it hits you right between the eyes, knocks you sideways and into a different perspective. I for one need that right now and that is why I have selected it as my No.2/50 for this my 2nd Retrospective. – I really hope you dig it fellow beatnik! – Leave me a like and I will love you forever ~ ebtoday

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EDENBRAY in EXILE – 1 – love is blue

Author’s Introduction To: ~

‘Edenbray in Exile’ ~ A Retrospective

An Anthology of Poetry, Articles and Essays

Written June 2012 ~ ongoing.

After the comparative success of my 1st Edenbray Retrospective of Poetry, Articles and Essays that was published on this, my newer Edenbray site at the turn of this year – between dates – November 6, 2019 and January 17, 2020 I promised that later this year I would re-publish a 2nd Edenbray Anthology of my work in common with the previous Retrospective’s aims – namely in purpose to act as an Introduction to my Writing for a whole new generation. 

Due to the Coronavirus Pandemic which is absorbing so much of our creative thought right now and regrettably controlling my ‘flow’ and ability to write fresh and alive new works, unburdened by concerns over the epidemic I have decided to bring forward the moment for post/publishing this 2nd Retrospective Anthology of Edenbray Poems, Articles and Essays.

In my 1st Edenbray Retrospective I chose to re-post and publish a varied assortment of poems and essays written at different times over many years, some originally published as far back as the 1970’s but previously posted on my original Edenbray Site consecutively between December 2010 and June 2012.

 EDENBRAY >>> https://edenbray.wordpress.com/

I re-published these pieces pretty much in the same order that they 1st appeared with maybe a couple of exceptions but for this 2nd Anthology I have decided to ‘select’ a body of work rather than re-publish every single piece willy-nilly. Hopefully, this will enable me to improve the popularity of the site, hold a closer control on the body of work and establish a greater continuity.

I shall open this 2nd Retrospective Anthology of Edenbray’s Work with a lighter, happy piece to balance the sadness of the times we are currently living through.

 

love is blue …

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Scanned Document

We held hands as though we could not let each other fly

the silver sand glistened, the oh so sun, mad like fever

it was years since I had felt such tortured emotion

maybe a boy, maybe a young dancer on her toes

I had been sleeping, dreaming, caught in a salmon net

the plush, lush attendant stream rushing on sweet n’ chilli

brown and greenie, full a’ windswept moments when

I had kissed a speck of food away from her blushing cheek

Harrowing as was enduring the torture of her shaming jest

I got above the stammer of purple-flowers, petals strewn and ‘okward

I made a George mailed fist and took the wee dragon halfway down

still day had turned t’night before I could think on forgiving her face

Meanwhile Marmaduke, a busy feline, wandered through our door 

caused a marmalade confusion which separated my mind

such the value of the kingdom of nature, not all at once

where eagles bronze or russet deer splash wonder on our pallet

Love on the other hand, a frightened bird, a statesman’s promise

not one, or neither but both – wrapped in ermine, fur and lace

cherished like a tailors scissor, buffed, rubbed hard, honed

not lonely in the garden, an unused can, a vow broken, a statue

writtenbyedenbray12.09.2013

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#Author’s note ~ ‘Love is blue’ – is in fact, a love poem written – 12.09.2013 – I don’t write many of these. Don’t get too excited – ‘Love is blue’ – like the sky on a spring morning – fresh, transparent, full of sun and hope! This piece attempts to address that feeling of 1st love infatuation. Giddy love, where you lose your ‘oldness’, your inhibitions and your reservations in favour of a youthful silliness, which is entirely ‘contagious’ and engaging in the friendliest way. You’ve put your love-shades on and you feel ‘alive’.

It also touches on that more uncomfortable and painful part of love which can be scary – ‘okward’. There are several pain-filled references we might find fairly topical and current within our vocabulary right now – fever, tortured emotion, harrowing, torture – again, a statesman’s promise is kind of pertinent also. In this way it makes a nice antidote to how things are at present and reminds us what ‘normal’ life is usually like if ‘being in love’ can be termed ‘normal’. There are also a fair few cracking lines  – ‘I had been sleeping, dreaming, caught in a salmon net’ and ‘Love on the other hand, a frightened bird, a statesman’s promise’ to mention just two. The pic. is of my wife when she was 18 and we were ”giddy’ lovers. Really hope you ‘love’ it. – eb

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THE SENTINEL

THE SENTINEL

WW2-German-Wehrmacht-Luftwaffe-M40-Ubermantel-GREATCOAT-2-VERY-NICE-392061410090-2

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Hold hard the grey coated sentinel

Who draws his breath upon faint hope

Of prussian nights and eternal lights

The sentinel knows his task is certain, pure

To ride the faithful stallion named ‘Endure’

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To ride through mud and human gore

Around the coast of Britains shore

Through valleys decked blood-red golden

Summer sun bids summer days to lengthen

And face this morbid terror with burnished fist

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Faces of morning joy emerge as though through mist

Children of a new day born through trial & risk

Birth, tempered now by no techno-squalid season

Our commanders, priests & thinkers meet to reason

Count the cost, pray the night, face another day of loss

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This horse, this horse by whose fetlock, hock & hoof

Has stretched each sinew, elbow, flank & cannon

Born its worthy rider forth to carry unfurled banner

Thru streets, the alleys & the moors and on beside the Manor

While proles consort with trolls to cause a minor stammer

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Thus people – do step forward then, to a one, without tremor

This sentinel so adored, while brass coffin handles glimmer

Memories so burned, so broken by the wounded page of time

Some feel more than a brother, some drink more then of wine

The object then of war is lost in laughter’s pain, winters frost

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The mountain birds surround the evening dell, a private hell

To them unfurls, unfolds to these masters of the carrion well

Death always is the final wave to those we love or try to save

Regret, sadness, a feathered cowel for each the bravest brave

I salute you, I adore you in your weakest momento mio amico!

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Button your tunic then O’tired counsellor, leader of our clan

You rode as well as any could & more perhaps than any should

Dismount your steed, attest the greed yet call only heroes fore

To set in tribute store this army to whom we can add no more

The brave, the true, the sure of heart & foot so dressed in blue!

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edenbraytoday

 

this picture says it all!m
The brave, the true, the sure of heart & foot, dressed in blue!

#Authors Note – I have tried to write it all down in poetic prose – kind of an open journal of my scrambled, jumbled thoughts, hopes, prayers and honest observations. – This our current history – so fresh and now a puss-riddled, infected, open wound, so sore to touch and hugely contagious – rife! An embittered, venomous snake and yet still an invisible, silent foe. A conniving, insidious monster – to which we currently have no other response than to hide, skulk, dismantle our life patterns and almost the very infrastructure of our national history and our future.

Into January, 2020, this year, I will be frank, like many of us, I am not sure I had even heard of the title – Coronavirus, much less Corvid-19 or Wu-tang, Hubei Province, social distancing or of any one of the many terms and appreciation of our bronchial biology that I seem to know as if I had studied for it at one of the great seats of learning in this our nation that currently lies, eunoched and buried under the duvet, one eye scanning with suspicion any visitor, guest, relative or friend. Even Bamber Gascoigne would be turned away today from his Alma Mater as a potential harbinger and spreader of this evil bug.

The premise of this piece is that we will triumph, normal life will return to this our fairest Isle and although we will be the saddened, chastened, thankful and heroic people poetic romanticists like edenbray, like me and myself always believe us to be.

Let me introduce you then, to the sentinel – our own heroic version of an invisible warrior and a commander. A captain – he rides on an Arabian stallion, he is brave, stirring and true. He might be an archangel like Michael or a puritan and a soldier like Cromwell, a politician and leader like Hugh Gaitskill, Winston Churchill, Nyree Bevan or a preacher, bold and pure as a Charles Wesley, John Knox or Charles Sturgeon. Whoever he is, represents or reminds us of – he came to us at the right time – Pray then the Lord of Hosts He might send us a sentinel right now – for right now we need him!

edenbray ~ 24.03.2020

THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER

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2nd March, 2020

Today I have decided to update this poster design I completed 50 years ago by adding some text relevant to the current situation.. . the unknown soldier .. . this was an early pastel sketch I completed for a poster back in the early 70’s. It was an idea inspired by a Doors song title of the same name .. . I always felt this image was kind of powerful, kind of haunting — We are at war with a deadly and invisible enemy and the weapons of our warfare are completely peaceful but used effectively WILL defeat our enemy Coronavirus … edenbraytoday

 

 

 

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AMY WINEHOUSE

AMY WINEHOUSE

AMY WINEHOUSE

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And who tore the woman’s dress?

Or spoke to the heart of the bonnie gee?

Who glistened like a sap rose drenchéd?

Now that the nights wind hath abated

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Where fury settles ~ a gyr falcon

Cold as meat on a granite slab

the singers heart laid out in moments

warm half-notes rising, falling

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She sang to me so sweetly

Threw Jackson paint on my ambitions

Rolled paper joints full a’ musto

O Amy tis a shame about the fame

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You lit the a-dangerous firework

You didn’t stand alone though

Did not let your baby-love grow

Out the back of a fetid trash-truck 

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When I caught the blue fever

You were still dancing round the flames

Your hand on the rusty lever

And no one else to blame 

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Your beauty to me was so startling

Born of a yellow sun-flower golden

Travelling saloon worlds in red-healed shoes 

To become the lady who sings the blues

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Back to black n’lost in Hackensack

Ho’ lady, walkin’ round the town 

Voice as smooth as corn n’crack

On ha’ way down south ta’ N’Arleens

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And she could have been that queen

Whose lustre worn in clusters

Draped round her goddam’ midriff

The many hopes she mustered

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You feel there’s always people

Whose courage could embolden

Pockets fit to burst an’ swollen

Yet who n’are is carried by the moment?

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To watch and wait, not clean the slate

Or tell the girl her awe-filled fate

She so damn perty in her jeans

She so sexy in her blood-red skirt

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And all the while them dark angels

Dressed in black they gather at her back

To sing her deepest harmonies

O Amy Amy Amy, O Amy Amy Ameee!

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edenbraytoday

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Authors Note – I wonder at my own wisdom – to stick this piece that I have been working on for some while, out there – today of all days – while the world rages with Coronavirus whether imagined or real and people cancel this and postpone that – but if we do not live our lives to the fullest each day while not endangering any other life, then surely we disrespect all those who have already died and who fought to live or even survive in any age, or through any war, or within any regime or culture – Our creativity helps to keep us believing, it keeps us aspiring to greatness and to the hard work of attaining excellence.

Young Amy Winehouse maybe was a flawed personality but by no more or less than any one of us, except you might say that as a celebrity she lived her life under the spotlight of prying and intrusive eyes and for this may therefore have carried more ‘privilege’ and responsibility but I don’t know about that. As I understand it and I did not know Amy, she was a master of her craft but maybe not in the area of control. I am certainly no judge, no jury – for me I would say she was just ‘excellent’ and today or any other day that is quite simply – enough!

~ I hope you enjoy my honest tribute to a sensational singer, character and personality who died before her 28th birthday. It is a pity she did not live but then again who does? Amy should have – 15.03.2020

edenbraytoday

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Dedicated to all those people who have sadly lost their lives due to the coronavirus outbreak.

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GIVE ME THE SPLENDID SILENT SUN

Screen-Shot-2012-07-29-at-12.56.52-PM-700x463

GIVE ME THE SPLENDID SILENT SUN

a Guest Poem by Walt Whitman

Give me the splendid silent sun, with all his beams full-dazzling;

Give me juicy autumnal fruit, ripe and red from the orchard;

Give me a field where the unmow’d grass grows;

Give me an arbor, give me the trellis’d grape;

Give me fresh corn and wheat—give me serene-moving animals, teaching content;

Give me nights perfectly quiet, as on high plateaus west of the Mississippi, and I looking up at the stars;

Give me odorous at sunrise a garden of beautiful flowers, where I can walk undisturb’d;

Give me for marriage a sweet-breath’d woman, of whom I should never tire;

Give me a perfect child—give me, away, aside from the noise of the world, a rural domestic life;

Give me to warble spontaneous songs, reliev’d, recluse
by myself, for my own ears only;

Give me solitude—give me Nature—give me again, O Nature, your primal sanities!

These, demanding to have them, (tired with ceaseless excitement, and rack’d by the war-strife;)

These to procure, incessantly asking, rising in cries from my heart,

While yet incessantly asking, still I adhere to my city;

Day upon day, and year upon year, O city, walking your streets,

Where you hold me enchain’d a certain time, refusing to give me up;

Yet giving to make me glutted, enrich’d of soul  you give me forever faces;

(O I see what I sought to escape, confronting, reversing my cries;

I see my own soul trampling down what it ask’d for.)

~ 2 ~

Keep your splendid silent sun;

Keep your woods, O Nature, and the quiet places by the woods;

Keep your fields of clover and timothy, and your corn-fields and orchards;

Keep the blossoming buckwheat fields, where the Ninth-month bees hum;

Give me faces and streets! give me these phantoms incessant and endless along the trottoirs!

Give me interminable eyes! give me women! give me comrades and lovers by the thousand!

Let me see new ones every day! let me hold new ones by the hand every day!

Give me such shows! give me the streets of Manhattan!

Give me Broadway, with the soldiers marching—give me the sound of the trumpets and drums!

(The soldiers in companies or regiments—some, starting away, flush’d and reckless;

Some, their time up, returning, with thinn’d ranks – young, yet very old, worn, marching, noticing nothing;)

Give me the shores and the wharves heavy-fringed with the black ships!

O such for me! O an intense life! O full to repletion, and varied!

The life of the theatre, bar-room, huge hotel, for me!

The saloon of the steamer! the crowded excursion for me! the torch-light procession!

The dense brigade, bound for the war, with high piled military wagons following;

People, endless, streaming, with strong voices, passions, pageants;

Manhattan streets, with their powerful throbs, with the beating drums, as now;

The endless and noisy chorus, the rustle and clank of muskets, (even the sight of the wounded;)

Manhattan crowds with their turbulent musical chorus with varied chorus and light of the sparkling eyes;

Manhattan faces and eyes forever for me.

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I really enjoy sharing the occasional guest poem – either written by friends and acquaintances or by lesser or well-known poets and writers – Walt Whitman is a much celebrated American poet who I actually confess I know little about. I get a buzz out of putting written pieces on my site.  ~           edenbraytoday

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JACK KEROUAC

JACK KEROUAC – AN OBITUARY

October 22, 1969
By JOSEPH LELYVELD

Jack Kerouac, Novelist, Dead; Father of the Beat Generation
Author of ‘On the Road’ was Hero to Youth–Rejected Middle-Class Values

Jack Kerouac, the novelist who named the Beat Generation and exuberantly celebrated its rejection of middle-class American conventions, died early yesterday of massive abdominal hemorrhaging in a St. Petersburg, Fla., hospital. He was 47 years old.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, desirous of everything at the same time,” he wrote in “On the Road,” a novel he completed in only three weeks but had to wait seven years to see published.

When it finally appeared in 1957, it immediately became a basic text for youth who found their country claustrophobic and oppressive. At the same time, it was a spontaneous and passionate celebration of the country itself, of “the great raw bulge and bulk of my American continent.”

Mr. Kerouac’s admirers regarded him as a major literary innovator and something of a religious seer, but this estimate of his achievement never gained wide acceptance among literary tastemakers.

The Beat Generation, originally regarded as a bizarre bohemian phenomenon confined to small coteries in San Francisco and New York, spilled over into the general culture in the nineteen-sixties. But as it became fashionable to be beat, it became less fashionable to read Jack Kerouac.

Subject Was Himself

His subject was himself and his method was to write as spontaneously as possible by threading a hefty roll of teletype paper into his typewriter and setting down his story on one continuous sheet. What resulted he would later transcribe for forwarding to his publisher, but never revise, in principle, for he regarded revision as a form of lying.

Truman Capote called Mr. Kerouac’s method of composition typing, not writing. But Allen Ginsberg, who regarded his friend as the greatest American poet of his time, declared that Mr. Kerouac had created “a spontaneous bop prosody.”

Mr. Ginsberg appears in Kerouac novels under a variety of names–Carlo Marx, Irwin Garden, Adam Moorad and Alvah Goldbook–but is always immediately recognizable. This is true of all Mr. Kerouac’s close friends, for there was little fiction in his novels.

As he painstakingly informed his readers in his long series of autobiographical works–which he intended to be read, ultimately, in sequence as one novel–Jack Kerouac was born in Lowell, Mass., on March 12, 1922, the son of French-Canadian printer.

Starred in Football

He spoke French before he spoke English and still had an accent when he made up his mind while still in high school to become a major American writer. But it was as a football player, a fast, agile fullback, that he first won any kind of recognition.

In 1939 he entered Horace Mann School in the Riverdale section of the Bronx, with the promise of a football scholarship to Columbia University if he could prove himself academically.

His football career ended in spring practice of his freshman year when the coach, Lou Little, (later to appear in a Kerouac novel as “Lu Libble”) told his young fullback to stop malingering after he was injured on a play. The injury, as Mr. Kerouac told the story, was a broken leg.

Giving up football cost him his scholarship to Columbia, but World War II would have interrupted his studies in any case. He served first in the merchant marine, then briefly in the Navy, from which he was discharged as “a schizoid personality.”

It was immediately after the war that he had had the experiences that shaped him decisively as a writer. He returned to New York and became close to Allen Ginsberg, then a Columbia undergraduate, and William Burroughs, the scion of a wealthy St. Louis family. Mr. Kerouac was later to give them the titles of their best-known works–“Howl” and “Naked Lunch.”

In those years, Mr. Kerouac was constantly on the move, from New York to Denver, then on to San Francisco, down to Mexico City, and back to New York. This was his discovery of America, the basis for “On the Road.”

Much of his traveling was done in the company of a young drifter from Denver named Neal Cassady, who had a hunger for experience and a taste also for theology and literature. Inevitably, he became a main character of “On the Road,” but he became much more–a literary model, supplanting Thomas Wolfe, Ernest Hemingway and William Saroyan.

Cassady had never been published, but he wrote voluminous letters–“fast, mad, confessional, completely serious, all detailed,” Mr. Kerouac later recalled–that gave the aspiring novelist his idea of spontaneous style. Specifically the inspiration for “On the Road” was a letter from Cassady that ran to 40,000 words.

The word “beat,” Mr. Kerouac once said, was first used by a friend to signify the feelings of despair and nearness to an apocalypse that impelled them to reach out for new experiences. The novelist later coined the phrase “beat generation,” sometimes explaining that he took “beat” to mean “beatific.”

Earlier, Mr. Kerouac had published a more conventional first novel–“The Town and the City,” which was a minor critical success and a complete commercial failure when it was published in 1950 by Harcourt Brace after three years of writing and rewriting.

Delved Into Buddhism

In the books that followed “On the Road,” the sense of loneliness and search became more clearly marked as their author delved into Buddhism–the first of the beat writers to look to the East for inspiration.

He called himself “a religious wanderer”–or “dharma bum,” as he expressed it in the novel called “The Dharma Bums” in 1959. Allen Ginsberg said he was “a very unique cat–a French Canadian Hinayana Buddhist Beat Catholic savant.”

Many critics found something ludicrous in his search for sensation and instant salvation on the byways of America. In a parody in the New Yorker magazine called “On the Sidewalk,” John Updike portrayed two youngsters on a scooter riding “into the wide shimmering pavement” through a bed of irises. “Contemplate those holy hydrants,” one of the boys calls out.

But there were moments when “On the Road” had a sharp edge of social comment, for instance when Sal Paradise (the name the novelist assigned himself) wanders through the black section of Denver “wishing I were a Negro, feeling that the best the white world had offered was not enough ecstasy for me, not enough life, joy, kicks, darkness, music, not enough life.”

Eldridge Cleaver, the black writer, later cited this passage as a cultural turning point for white America.

“The Subterraneans,” still one of the most popular Kerouac novels, was composed in only three days. The book ends with the novelist, at the end of an unhappy love affair, sitting down to “write this book.”

He shunned literary society and spent most of his last years in a withdrawn existence in places like St. Petersburg, Northport, L. I., and his hometown of Lowell, where he maintained a residence in a ranch-style house with his invalid mother and his third wife, Stella.

“He had been drinking heavily for the past few days,” his wife said yesterday morning. “He was a very lonely man.”

The upheaval in values that “On the Road” helped signal had the ironic effect of making Jack Kerouac appear a somewhat conventional writer. He had no use for the radical politics that came to preoccupy many of his friends and readers.

“I’m not a beatnik. I’m a Catholic,” he said last month. He showed the interviewer a painting of Pope Paul VI and said, “You know who painted that? Me.”

Not sure if I’ll get into trouble for ‘lifting’ this succinct obituary of the life of Jack Kerouac – a literary hero of mine – you might even say a friend in a loose symbolic way but I give full credit to Joseph Lelyveld the author of this piece and there is absolutely no financial gain to myself for showing it here on my BLOG.

I only wish to draw attention to the writing and life of the man ~ Jack Kerouac.

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MENTAL ILLNESS

MENTAL ILLNESS

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Cranleigh Cricket Ground

 

I think I first became interested in the subject of mental illness as a child growing up in the fifties. We had to visit our Auntie Pat in Brookwood Hospital in Woking, Surrey on our regular monthly visits to my Grandad and Grandmas house in Cranleigh, Surrey. I say ‘had to’ as to be honest it was not my favourite trip although I did love the village green community that was Cranleigh in those days. Sunday afternoon walks through Cranleigh to watch Peter May the Surrey and England cricketer who lived on the green and stepped out for the local village team to crack boundaries around the square were memorable but at five years of age and in 1956, Hospitals for the mentally ill were still quite scary places, seemingly not much further advanced than mediæval Institutes for the criminally insane.

BROOKWOOD

As we walked through the Hospital halls and corridors to the lounge where my Auntie sat quietly awaiting our visits, we were confronted by all kinds of distressed and anxious characters, suffering with varied conditions of anxiety, psychiatric disorder and psychosis and all crammed together in a woefully inadequate space with tragically insufficient nursing care.  Despite a real sense of relief when our time came to leave and journey back to my Grandfathers house for tea, I also felt an instinctive compassion and concern for my poor Auntie Pat who we had to leave behind in such a seemingly hostile and distressing atmosphere. Even at such a young age I felt really sad for those poor souls whose individual complaints they so vividly vocalised with their own cries of anguish, screams and shouts that lingered long in my memory.

phsychosis anyone

PSYCHOSIS ANYONE?

 

I am reminded of those upsetting visits to see my Auntie Patricia whenever I watch a favourite movie of mine, the Milos Forman Oscar-winning adaption of the same-titled stage play Amadeus. The film version begins with the arrival of a priest, Father Vogler, who visits the despondent and mentally tortured court composer Antonio Salieri who is a patient at the Vienna Assylum For The Insane. The film depicts Salieri finishing his life, languishing in melancholy and guilt after he confesses to contributing to the early demise of Amadeus Mozart, possibly even poisoning him. The scenes of life depicted in the mediæval Institute for the insane where Salieri is incarcerated bring poignant and chilling memories back of my poor Aunties final days, lived out in a place that although not anywhere near as severe was not dissimilar either and I have to assume may well have contributed to her early death.

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Salieri confesses to contributing to the early demise of Amadeus Mozart

 

My next close encounter with the Mentally ill occurred whilst working as a Hospital Porter in the late sixties/early seventies. The cottage Hospital where I worked for four years was positioned alongside both Sutton Psychiatric and Banstead Mental Hospitals. Banstead or Belmont Hospital had been selected for use as an experimental facility entitled ‘Downview’ where patients suffering with varied and extreme mental and behavioural disorders along with acute substance abusers were being treated by “groundbreaking” self-help nursing.

DOWNVIEW

DOWNVIEW, BANSTEAD

On our few rare visits to collect ward furniture and spare beds from the Downview, us porters were confronted by the pretty wild environment and liberal atmosphere the experimental treatment at the hospital encouraged. Graffitied walls, assorted debris, even excrement and on one occasion we witnessed the sight of one patients bed being launched through a 2nd floor open window and down to the ground while we were passing.

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The pretty wild environment & a liberal atmosphere the experimental treatment at the hospital encouraged with graffitied walls & assorted debris

The newly built Sutton Psychiatric Ward was positioned between the cottage hospital where I worked and the Royal Marsden Cancer Treatment Hospital at Belmont Road, Sutton where my mother worked. The treatment at the annexe was thankfully of a more conventional style and still based on a more patient/nurse/doctor arrangement using traditional therapies. The patients were not as distressed as those admitted to the Downview and they were basically detained under medication and for observation.

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A POSITIVE MENTAL HEALTH POSTER OF THE DAY

Again, from time to time the Sutton Porters were required to enter the Psychiatric Annexe to carry out their duties. Deliver x-rays, collect and return patients occasionally for x-ray and medical care etc.. During such visits we were able to strike up mild associations with the patients and in getting to know them gained their confidence to a notable degree. I was learning a lot from these friendships and about the nature of various mental illnesses and I myself was reading books on psychology, such as Professor R.D.Laings classic ‘the Politics of Experience’ and other maybe more mystical or therapeutic literature.

politics of experience

R.D.Laings classic on psychoanalysis – I read it cover to cover and over and over.

A little later on and due to a clear, spiritual conversion to Christian faith I began attending an Evangelically-minded Pentecostal Church where I personally felt encouraged to begin a Christian fellowship of my own within the Hospital and among the nursing and Hospital staff. I also began a Tuesday Lunchtime Christian Outreach in the grounds of the Psychiatric Annexe which functioned in their Sports Hall. I invited inmates to attend which for a brief while they did – sometimes upwards of 20 patients.

The Hospital Management however, sadly decided to outlaw my Christian Outreach after complaints that I was working under my own mandate and not with the blessing of the Official Hospitals Chaplaincy. It seemed baffling, sad and also hypocritical to me that people sharing the same faith would wish to terminate something so vital and helpful to people in need of succour and Christian charity only to replace it with nothing but my first personal involvement and contact with the wonderful world of the mentally ill, I would never forget.

self portrait 2

At the age of 24 I opened my first Art shop

At the age of 24 I opened my first Art shop and from time to time employed part-time staff to help me. The second of these was a young woman named Caroline who had recently suffered a traumatic nervous breakdown and was under treatment at a Psychiatric Hospital near Croydon in Surrey, at the notoriously and somewhat urban-titled ‘Warlingham’. I visited Caroline in Warlingham Hospital while she was briefly an inmate and offered her work as a sales assistant at our shop as I felt sure she would be suited to the work and that it would aid her recovery from her illness.

CASE STUDY: CAROLINE

Carolyn had always had a nervous and intense personality. She was insecure due in part to losing her father at an early age and her mother with whom she had always shared a real closeness had recently re-married. In my view Caroline had over-extended herself at a time of home insecurity in a moment of possibly reactionary, religious fervour while studying at University. In a seemingly noble attempt to evangelise her whole class, Caroline attempted an out of character, impromptu evangelistic speech that she made to those dining in the Campus Cafeteria one day. Carolyn was actually a person who required a great deal of affirmation and reassurance and her pretty radical attempt to convert her fellow students en-bloc had seriously taken her out of her comfort zone and only served to alienate her from her closest university friends and her peer group.

I believed the anti-feeling and expectable rejection she suffered had triggered a reaction of hopelessness, a loss of self-dependency and a serious loss of confidence within Caroline which in turn had exaggerated a developing ‘breakdown’ brought on by the emotional separation she was feeling from her mother who now had a new ‘best-friend’. Feelings of jealousy were also threatening Carolines acceptance of her new ‘step father’ especially after learning to live without a father for most of her life. Caroline found it difficult to express her negative feelings because of guilt and consequently was internalising which in turn increased her feelings of ‘aloneness’.

aloneness

I also believed, after I came to talk with Caroline that the medication and tranquillisers she was taking to calm her were neutralising her self-will and her personal need to fight, re-assert herself and regain her self-confidence within established relationships. The medication was also affecting her personality and encouraging her to over-eat and she was gaining weight at an alarming rate which would not be helping Caroline to feel good about herself.

We developed a relationship of trust and respect, no doubt due in-part to the fact that I shared Caroline’s Christian faith and gradually Caroline gained confidence in her work at the shop, in her on-going relationships with true friends and family and with her boyfriend. At the right moment I decided to encourage Caroline to ask that her doctor would reduce her prescription. In a relatively short time Caroline came off her medication completely, her happy, friendly personality returned, she restored lifelong friendships, regained her slim, attractive figure and would soon marry, begin a family and enjoy a life with no sign of the demons of doubt and breakdown or any dependency on the medication she had been receiving.

ego

I felt proud of the role I had played in Caroline’s complete recovery and decided there and then that I would enjoy helping people with similar issues in a full-time, working capacity. I felt that with my advise and in-tandem with her doctor’s care we had restored someone who might have gone on to require a lifetime of medication dependency and hospital care.

BOSTON CAP OF FENS

On moving to Boston in Lincolnshire in 1984 I determined I would not open another Art Shop. Work was scarce however for someone not raised in a rural community and as I was lacking in any relevant qualifications and had struggled to get a Sales Agency off the ground in an area already typecast as the ‘reps graveyard’, I eventually reverted back when realising that as shopkeeping was obviously my forté that is what I should be doing.

vincent

 Vincent Van Gogh – an artist who it is well known suffered himself with Mental Illness

I soon had a flourishing little Art Shop dealing within the town of Boston and was providing graphic supplies to a select group of printers and the few Advertising Agents who operated within a 50 odd mile radius of my home town. I ran the shop successfully for 5 – 6 years but finally decided the time was right to take the bull by the horns and fulfil my growing hearts desire to work with the mentally ill.

zoebeloffdreamland5

I felt proud of the role I had played in Caroline’s complete recovery and decided there and then that I would enjoy helping people with similar issues in a full-time, working capacity.

I answered a job vacancy advertisement submitted by the Lincolnshire Health Authority for Mental Healthcare Nurses who would be trained to SEN standard and would be required to work at the Rauceby Psychiatric Hospital in Sleaford, located some 18 miles or so from Boston. After applying for entry to the 3 year working-course I was invited to complete an in-house Mathematics Entrance Exam as I was that one GCE short of the necessary qualifications to begin the course. I journeyed to Rauceby after my Interview with the Hospitals Professor to take the Exam and was schoolboy-excited when I passed and realised the door was now wide open to me to satisfy that gnawing desire in my soul that I should finally work alongside the mentally ill.

RAUCEBY

 Rauceby Psychiatric Hospital in Sleaford, Lincolnshire

My excitement however was sadly soon tempered on returning to my self-employed work running a burgeoning Art Materials Shop especially when I looked at the sales figures and the dramatic loss of earnings I was contemplating over a number of years, alongside the size and needs of our 4 growing children.

I put the business up for sale recognising I would need a top sale price to make the switch and while the business prospered those interested in buying me out were not only few but also acutely aware that such a business required specialist knowledge and attention. This put all but a few off the idea and only seemed to be encouraging others to start their own Shops and avoid the need to buy mine.

 

ARTSTORE - REGAL CENTRE

Life as a shopkeeper and as a caring human has afforded me many opportunities to help ordinary people

Our small shop unit boasted well over 50 niche suppliers and required painstaking control to keep it well stocked but viable. Despite the inherent complications of our business it was performing well and my dream of helping the mentally ill soon began to fade as we were forced to enlarge the business by taking a second unit at around the same time that those Assylums of a previous age, Institutions and Hospitals like Brookwood, Warlingham, Banstead and Rauceby were all coming under an increased threat of closure as the NHS began to recognise their place in mental healthcare was coming to an end.

 

institutions

 ASYLUMS:  I am glad there are no longer morbid, dank and sad incarcerations 

Antiquated, run-down, inefficient, unnecessarily expensive, ineffective – these were just a few of the criticisms labelled on these apparent dinosaurs of a previous age as newer thinking on mental healthcare and cost-saving policy’s became rife in the beleaguered NHS. Asylums and Institutes for the mentally ill or Insane would definitely soon become a thing of the past. I accepted that although these changes were no doubt for the betterment of mental healthcare – the now of the nineties would not be the best time for someone of my 40+ years to be making the switch to mental nursing. I would surely have become just a pterodactyl squawking among the dinosaurs, floating high above the needs and aspirations of those I desperately wanted to help, disconnected and adjacent – I decided to stay working as an Art Shop man and stick to something I already knew.

pterodactyl g

 I would surely have become just a pterodactyl squawking among the dinosaurs, 

Life as a shopkeeper and lately a sales advisor for over 44 years and as a caring human has afforded me many opportunities to help ordinary people leading normal lives, come to terms with their difficulties and cope with the pressures and problems of life and circumstance that we all experience to a greater or lesser extent and at different stages of life’s journey.

One in four adults will experience a mental illness at some point each year in the UK. This ranges from anxiety and depression to alcohol dependence, substance misuse and psychosis.

Three in four mental illnesses start in childhood. 75% of mental illnesses start before a child reaches their 18th birthday, while 50% of mental health problems in adult life (excluding dementia) take root before the age of 15.

10% of school children hava a diagnosable mental illness. In an average class of 30 young people, three will have a mental health problem. Figures show 10% of children aged 5-16 have been diagnosed with a mental health problem.

75% of youg people with a mental health problem receive no treatment. There’s been a rise in the time children are having to wait to receive treatment for complex mental health conditions, and children with depression and anxiety are often not being identified or given help.

Please follow the link to read more of these fascinating and worrying statistics or to sign up and join the  MQ Movement.

I am glad the arena of healthcare for the mentally ill has changed. I am glad there are no longer such morbid, dank and sad incarcerations where the lives of those who are not a danger to the general public are hidden away in shame, only to be forgotten like my Auntie Pat, until their own futility and unhappiness engulfs them and they expire unseen, unknown and uncared for – this is one changed face of modern living we surely can all applaud.

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writtenbyedenbray26.02.2020 

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In Memory of Patricia Eede

my Aunt and a lady I wish I could have known better

God rest her soul!

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FARADILLO’S RAIN

FARADILLO’S RAIN …

In consequence the old man had nothing more that he could say

Who sat searching and rocking his chair that August-bitten day

He bathed in the moonlight, in the starlight down Faradillo’s Way

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Cascading lights like sober dreams trickling through larva rocks

And Bernadette her hands so course of care combing ivory locks

Marvellous the sun-dried dial turned wide to hide lost grazing flocks

..

Who jacked the steering wheel hard and set it bold to centre square

Or carried through the mobile crew who paused naked without a care

And Dale Maloney singing wild throughout the night the truest song

.

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jackson writes po-e-tree! some say

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