EDENBRAY in EXILE : A RETROSPECTiVE ~ 50 years of writing .. .

Edenbray in Exile


Retrospective Anthology of Poems, Articles & Essays



A kind of an explanation ..


edenbray comments ~ 

During the Covid-19 pandemic of 2020 I underwent a 12 week Isolation in accordance with my GP’s and the governments advice – as a potential high-risk individual were I too become infected with the virus.
I determined I would not waste the opportunity to retire spiritually and rather journey on somewhat of a personal pilgrimage to nourish my spiritual being – and find my inner soul again. I decided to adopt a kind of Desert Island Disks mentality and ensured I had these few things around me to help me on my private and personal sojourn :-
a) my greatest friend & helpmeet  my dear life partner, lover, friend & wife of 45 years 
b) where possible – some favourite foods, meals, teas, coffee and snacks
c) a collection of fine Scottish Malt/American Rye Whiskies plus select wines & spirits
d) this writers truest ally – my Mac Notebook Laptop
e) my watercolours and paper
f) two book titles I had purchased especially – Frank Kafka’s – The Trial + Ralph Ellison’s – The Invisible Man
g) an ancient copy of ‘Thoughts in Solitude‘ written by my greatest spiritual mentor – the indescribably beautiful soul and saint that was Thomas Merton
h) and finally – another late purchase – the almost equally indescribably beautiful but also fairly bizarrely titled Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness CD album by the equally bizarrely named – Smashing Pumpkins.
Both g) & h) have been my constant source of musical, intellectual and spiritual input for nearly 3 weeks and consequently I feel somewhat indebted to both.
I have featured one track from the amazing 28-track double-album each day on my Twitter site alongside a selected quote from Thomas Merton and today I have reached the 20th Day and therefore the 20th Song ~ ‘Tales Of A Scorched Earth’ which in itself and in view of the temper and nature of the piece has become to me like a purge – an enema – a spiritual evacuation of the inner sanctum – a healthy and unholy release of negative energy and feeling to the almighty – which lets face it – is a pretty honest and fair interpretation of what true and heartfelt prayer actually is!
… … …
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you
                                                                                       ~ Thomas Merton

Guest Poem


Guest Poem (Song Lyrics) Written by Billy Corgan

The Smashing Pumpkins

Farewell goodnight last one out turn out the lights
And let me be, let me die inside
Let me know the way from of this world of hate in you
‘Cause the die is cast and the bitch is back
And we’re all dead yeah we’re all dead
Inside the future of a shattered past
I lie just to be real, and I’d die just to feel
Why do the same old things keep on happening?
Because beyond my hopes there are no feelings
Bless the martyrs and kiss the kids
For knowing better, for knowing this
‘Cause you’re all whores and I’m a fag
And I’ve got no mother and I’ve got no dad
To save me the wasted, save me from myself
I lie just to be real, and I’d die just to feel
Why do the same old things keep on happening?
Because beyond my hopes there are no feelings
If I believe, if I deceive, if I defend you now that way
Would you believe, could you recieve, could you have faith?
No one is, is ever gone
And time is everything and I have none
Everybody’s lost just waiting to be found
Everyone’s a thought just waiting to fade
So fuck it all, ’cause I don’t care
So what somehow somewhere we dared
To try to dare, to dare for a little more
I lie just to be real, and I’d die just to feel
Why do the same old things keep on happening?
Because beyond my hopes, there are no feelings