OUTTAKES – 01
I’ve been in the attic, I’ve been in the cellar, I raided my notebooks – I’M HAVING A YARD SALE – It’s a Car Boot – THEY’RE UNFINISHED LINES, unfinished poems, POEMS THAT MISSED OUT ON PREVIOUS RETROSPECTIVES, good ideas, BAD IDEES, inspiration, OR JUST GOOD TITLES, abortive attempts – IM CLEARING THE BACKLOG – opening up the storehouse – IT’S A COLONIC IRRIGATION – an enema – I’M MILKING THE PAPS – so mother writer’s milk might flow through fresh again!
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TELL US A STORY PROFESSOR HESTER
In consequence of the most moral changes in his outlook, Hester decided in his own mind to reflect only upon that which was true. At least as by his definition of truth, which was that which was true to himself. He had no desire to differ or disagree with anyone and determined, very much, that in future he would prefer his own wise counsel to any external opinion. Hester had for a number of years become increasingly alone and solitary in his habits although he still harboured the hope and feelings that there may be a person or persons with whom he might enjoy a closer social intercourse and fraternity. He considered that he himself had lived most of his life as something of a personality-chameleon and wondered in fact whether his predisposition and desire to blend in or fit in, to the point of changing his verbal stance, if not his actual personal opinion, was tantamount to the condition which in fact psychoanalysts referred to by the term schizophrenia.
Hester began to repeatedly take time to sit quietly at a plain wooden table by a window that allowed the sunlight to shine through. He sat with a wood-cased pencil and a small pile of loose paper and he wrote down the things he believed were important to him. The lists became increasingly and almost agonisingly long and he began to wonder if he were not deceived in his own considered assessment of himself, what he believed and who he actually was, especially in terms of his own character and opinion. His list of likes was greater than he could ever have imagined and led him to believe himself, therefore, as something of a hypocrite.
As time proceeded, Hester began to find renewed confidence in his own personal opinions and while attending a political rally held in the local Community Centre he rose to voice a thought-provoking question in response to an open invitation given by the orator. Hester surprised himself at how assured and articulate he had become and was overwhelmed not only by the general reaction and applause his question aroused but by the post-meeting conversation and invitations to events associated to the party and its members that he received. Hester soon found he had a new circle of friends and acquaintances and he was invited to speak himself at the next arranged rally, which he accepted and enjoyed. Within only three years, Hester was appointed the leading spokesperson for the group.
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